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Friday October 24, 2003

jokes

A Jewish atheist

On the Upper West Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular.

After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, “By the way Dad, do you know what ‘Trinity’ means? It means the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.”

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, “Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God. AND we don’t believe in Him!”

An interfaith crisis

“Rabbi, what should I do? My son has converted to Christianity.”

“I don’t know,” answers the rabbi. “Come back tomorrow, and I’ll ask advice from God.”

The man comes back the next day.

“I can’t help you” says the rabbi. “God told me he has the same problem.”

A complex situation

A mother in Burlingame is having a very hard time with her teenage son. The two of them are always screaming and yelling at each other. Finally she takes him to a psychoanalyst.

After two sessions, the doctor calls the mother into his office. “Your son has an Oedipus complex.”

“Oedipus Shmedipus,” the woman answers, “As long as he loves his mother.”

Membership requirements

Three couples all wanted to join an unusual synagogue in Chicago. The rabbi said to them, “We have special requirements for new members. To be accepted, you must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”

The couples all agreed to the terms and came back at the end of the two weeks.

The rabbi turned to the first couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

The husband replied, “No problem at all, rabbi.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the synagogue!” said the rabbi.

The rabbi then asked the second couple, “Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

The man replied, “Well, the first week wasn’t too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights; but yes, we made it.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the synagogue!” said the rabbi.

The rabbi then turned to the third couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

“No rabbi, we weren’t able to go without sex for the entire two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.

“What happened?” inquired the rabbi.

“Well, six days into the two weeks, my wife was reaching for a book from the top shelf and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was suddenly overcome with lust and I took advantage of her right there and then.”

“You do understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our synagogue,” stated the rabbi.

“We know that rabbi,” said the young man, grimly. “We’re no longer welcome at the library either.”

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