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Friday April 27, 2001

Laughter balm of life for 'Choices' speaker Joan Rivers

SUZANNE WEISS
Bulletin Correspondent

If there was a show called "Jewish Survivor," you can bet Joan Rivers would never be kicked off the island.

The durable comic-actress-author-entrepreneur has battled her way through the suicide of a husband, estrangement from her only daughter, and major rejection and disappointments in her career, only to end up on top and still laughing. Laughter as a survival mechanism will be the topic of her talk on Thursday when she headlines "Choices," the fund-raiser of the Women's Division of Jewish Federation of the Greater East Bay.

"I'm always funny; that's how I get through life," Rivers said Tuesday from New York. "I think we Jews survive because of our humor. I get so sick and tired of the victim mentality. You should enjoy every day, whether it's the first day of the rest of your life or the last."

The days weren't always so enjoyable for Rivers as she started out as an aspiring comic, struggling in tiny venues, sometimes without a salary. Once she made it, it wasn't all applause and Emmy Awards either, although she garnered her share of both. In 1986, after three years as "permanent guest hostess" on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson Show," she didn't get the job. Did she cry about it? No, she wrote a book and began her own "Late Show" on Fox.

That venture ultimately failed after a year. But, consumed with grief following the death of her husband, Edgar Rosenberg, in 1987, Rivers was forced to turn her attention to her personal life. A rocky relationship with her daughter, Melissa, was another source of endless grief. Except, since Rivers was involved, the rift was eventually repaired.

The 1994 television drama that chronicled their relationship was called, not surprisingly, "Tears and Laughter." Two years ago, a jointly written advice column debuted in McCall's magazine in which the two examine readers' questions from a mother-daughter perspective. Mother and daughter bonded further over Melissa's baby over which Grandma constantly kvells.

"It kind of renews your faith in everything," she said of 5-month-old Edgar.

The child of Russian immigrants Beatrice and Meyer Molinsky, Rivers was born in Brooklyn ("You want the year? Find it yourself!") and later moved to Larchmont, N.Y., where her father founded the Reform synagogue.

"They held the services in the fire house," she recalled.

Girls did not celebrate a bat mitzvah in those days, she explained, but Rivers and her sister attended Sunday school and celebrated confirmations. Until her daughter's marriage, Rivers lit the candles on Friday nights, following her mother's example. "I know I should still do it," she confessed. She is a member of Temple Emanuel on Fifth Avenue in New York.

She is a tireless worker for humanitarian causes such as AIDS, cystic fibrosis and suicide prevention, and Jewish philanthropies also are high on her list. She actively supports the Jewish federation and the Jewish Home for the Blind, and she said she was the original spokesperson for Tay-Sachs Disease.

"I think anti-Semitism is definitely on the rise," she observed. "I'm sick and tired of hearing every moron talk about hating the Jews. It's a real scandal."

One of Rivers' most famous comedic creations was her "very best friend" Heidi Abromowitz, subject of one of her eight books. Asked if Heidi was a stereotyped Jew, Rivers shot back, "No, she was a stereotyped tramp."

But Heidi, like so many things of the '80s, is "gone with the wind," she noted.

"There are no more good girls and bad girls," she said. "So you can't do any more tramp jokes. I don't know, maybe she just changed her name to Monica Lewinsky.

"Hey, I also lost a lot of material when Elizabeth Taylor lost weight."

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