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Friday July 19, 2002

Ex-Zen Center abbot opens up to psalms, Judaism

JOSHUA BRANDT
Bulletin Correspondent

Interviewing Norman Fischer, the co-teacher at San Francisco's Makor Or Meditation Center, is a bit like fly-fishing in an aquarium: The bait is acceptable, the subject is willing, but the exercise itself seems a bit crass.

An interviewer's stock in trade is questions after all -- a string of words designed to reach an ultimate destination. The questions are invariably imbued with "intent," which is the antithesis of Fischer's sojourn from the Judaism of his youth to Zen Buddhist abbot to reconnecting with his roots.

He brings both traditions together in his latest book, "Opening to You: Zen-Inspired Translations of the Psalms."

In interviewing Fischer, one is mindful of the difficulty Gay Talese had in getting to Frank Sinatra, which finally culminated in the famous "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold" essay. But whereas Sinatra famously refused to talk to Talese, Fischer willingly agreed to be interviewed. With one caveat.

"I really don't see why I'm a good candidate for an interview," he said, spreading his hands out before him, in a gesture that revealed either a state of tranquility or empathy for the interviewer's task, "but I'm willing to answer any questions that you might have."

Fischer is tall, lean and angular, with a steady, calm gaze. Everything about him is sparse and economical. There are no wasted words, thoughts, or emotions. With Fischer, there is the unrelenting sense that one's questions are a shabby methodology for understanding the man. After all, Fischer wrote in a recent essay on art that "what is made has always the quality of limitation or unsatisfactoriness. Madeness captures us into a vicious cycle of desiring more madeness or better madeness, and the madeness we get only makes us want to make improvements or additions."

Nonetheless, there are facts.

Fischer grew up in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., in a community with about 40 Jewish families, which was "enough to support the local synagogue."

"Everyone went to shul regularly," he recalled. "The [Jewish] community's social life ran through the synagogue, and it was unthinkable not to go to Hebrew school."

Fischer's connection and understanding of Judaism was tested as a child by the death of his grandfather, and by the dearth of explanations concerning his grandfather's passing.

"I was asking questions no one had the answers to," he recalled. "I asked why God allowed this to happen. I guess you could say that I had a 'religious crisis' at the age of 4."

Both Fischer's philosophical and spiritual quests were nurtured by a rabbi who is still a big influence in Fischer's life, and Fischer was a serious student of the Torah and Talmud until he reached his early adolescent years, when a hankering for more earthly pleasures kicked in.

Fischer's continuing education was extensive: Colgate University, graduate school at the University of Iowa and a degree from Berkeley's Graduate Theological Union. At Iowa, he met Rabbi Alan Lew, a former Zen Buddhist who is now co-teacher at Makor Or and spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Sholom, with which the meditation center is affiliated. The two have been friends for more than three decades.

"I was never a practical person," said Fischer, in explaining his initial foray into Zen meditation. "I was only interested in pursuing truth and the whole concept of what life is really all about. I've never been interested in the whole 'get a job and climb through the ranks,' idea."

Fischer, who has variously been a high school English teacher, a farmer, a baker, a landscape gardener and a university instructor, was ordained a Zen priest at the San Francisco Zen Center in 1980. The father of twin sons -- both of whom Fischer said have a background in Judaism -- he has served as abbot, spiritual director and guide at Muir Beach's Green Gulch Zen Center and the Tassajara Center near Carmel as well as the Zen Center.

Despite teaching Buddhist precepts, Fischer maintains that he never shied away from his Jewish heritage.

"I never had the concept that I was leaving Judaism or rejecting it. I always thought it was a privilege to be Jewish. I've always respected the quest for truth that Judaism shares with Buddhism."

Fischer said that his extensive experience with both Buddhism and Judaism allowed him to see the corollaries between the two ancient religions -- a connection that he said practitioners of both faiths are reluctant to examine.

"In the Zen community, we weren't encouraged to be explicit about our backgrounds -- whatever they might be," he said. "The idea was that you were doing this other thing, and you weren't supposed to backslide. Conversely, other committed Jews may consider Buddhist practitioners 'idol worshippers.'

"For me, practicing Buddhism as a Jew is like a doctor who leaves his lab coat at the office. The doctor can walk around in his home dressed just in a T-shirt and jeans, but he's still a doctor."

Fischer's "Jewish stirrings" were prompted by the death of his mother, and by the realization that he wanted to say Kaddish "but felt odd going to a synagogue." The spiritual void he experienced couldn't be filled by Buddhism alone.

"People doing Zen usually find something missing, and that something is usually passion," said Fischer. Although passion is accessible after meditation, he added, "in Judaism there is an immediacy to it."

Fischer now teaches classes at Makor Or on philosopher-theologian Martin Buber, as well as on Chassidic spirituality and the Book of Genesis. The spiritual leader declined any attempt to further label his religious identity, but he did offer a reason why he eschews labels.

"Real religious fanatics desperately defend their turf. Oftentimes, they'll say, 'Look at this truth, and see how perfect it is. It's all tied up in a box...and don't touch it or we'll kill you.'"

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