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Friday June 20, 2003

For serenity under the chuppah, the Web can be key to success

MARK MIETKIEWICZ

The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is a beautiful and ancient tradition that many couples are now imbuing with personal touches. Here's a look at chuppot on the World Wide Web -- and some advice to help take the stress out of your wedding.

As chuppah-makers go, Richard Caro has some pretty interesting credentials. Caro is a direct descendent of Yosef Caro, the 16th-century kabbalist of Safed, author of the Shulchan Aruch, the code of Jewish laws. The contemporary Caro from Hudson, N.Y., feels that he has a special responsibility to create the right chuppah. "I see myself as a builder, and a chuppah is a spiritual representation of a couple's first house. When a couple decides to make a chuppah, or have one made for them, they are creating something that they will have in their lives forever." An article about Caro can be found at www.forward.com/issues/ 2001/01.11.23/fast3.html

If you want to look online for someone to create your chuppah, check the listings at MavenSearch -- http://mavensearch.com/

subjects.asp?S=502 -- or go to http://google.com and search for "chuppah." However, if you want to create something truly personal, create your own.

Seth and Amy Krostich have put the plans for their chuppah online along with shots of them hammering, painting, assembling -- and even kissing under it. After its formal use, they plan to keep it around as a reminder when they erect it in the garden of their new home. Check out the couple's chuppah adventure at www.sethandamy.com/ceremony/chuppah.html

As for what actually takes place under the chuppah, there are many customs. The Jewish Virtual Library at www.us-israel.org/jsource/Judaism/

marriage.html provides a very good summary of the wedding process from beshert to engagement to the ceremony itself.

If you are lucky enough to be planning some time under the chuppah, you'll want to make sure that everything goes according to clockwork. But life doesn't go as planned as you'll see in the "Chuppah Horror Stories" presented at the Country Yossi Family Magazine Web site -- www.countryyossi.com/ nov00/chuppah.htm

There are tales of red wine spilled on white wedding dresses under the chuppah and the band that missed the ceremony because it was stuck in the elevator. Then there is my favorite: Some poor soul accidentally dropped and broke the glass under the chuppah. One of the guests who apparently wasn't paying too much attention yelled out "mazel tov." Thereupon the band started playing "Od Yishama" before the wedding was actually over. The couple and their parents tried to tell everyone they weren't done but they couldn't be heard over all the singing.

You may not be able to prevent guests from shouting out "mazel tov" too early, but proper planning can usually make a wedding go smoother. To help you through the stressful day, several software packages have been created with Jewish weddings in mind. I can't vouch for these software products because I haven't used them. Unfortunately they weren't around when I needed them.

According to its promotional material, the Mazel Tov Planner will help you track your invitations and RSVPs, arrange seating lists, plan aliyot and other honors, and even estimate your no-shows. You can download the program at www.jewishsoftware.com/

products/104.asp

Is his family in New York and hers in San Francisco? OnlySimchas! offers a novel approach to keeping you organized. Rather than downloading software, you do your wedding planning online. Is the guest list constantly changing? No problem, since both families can make changes to the online guest list once they register at this site. OnlySimchas! -- www.onlysimchas.com/planner -- also helps you arrange your seating charts, monitor the RSVPs and track the gifts.

Checklist lovers can't beat the forms provided at MyJewishWedding.com You can download and print off 16 planning worksheets and checklists that cover almost everything a bride and groom need to remember, including catering, invitations and music worksheets. There are even blank ketubot for both Ashkenazim and Sephardim and downloadable art.

Best of all, everything at OnlySimchas! and the forms at MyJewishWedding.com are free.

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