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Friday February 18, 2005

Jokes

Health forecast

Jay meets his grandfather in the street one morning. “Hi Zayde. How are you feeling today?”

“Oy veh, Jay, I’ve got so many aches and pains that if I get a new one, it will have to wait at least a week before I can think of even worrying about it.”

The Dior dress

One day, just as Rebecca was walking past Yiddishe Momma Exclusive Fashions on Fairfax Avenue in L.A., she saw someone putting a new dress in the window display.

It stopped her in her tracks — it was a pale green Dior evening dress and she was totally entranced by this brilliant creation. She was convinced that it was meant for her. But it was priced at $3,500 and she had to think of a good way to persuade her Steve to buy it for her. She had an idea, and couldn’t wait to get home.

“Stevee, darling?”

“Yes, what is it Rebecca?”

“Last night I had a lovely dream,” she said.

“So what kind of a dream was it, Rebecca?”

“I dreamed that we passed by Yiddishe Momma, and in the window was this gorgeous Dior dress at only $3,500. And do you know what you did, Stevee?”

“Nu, so what did I do?” he asked.

“You went into the shop and bought it for me, darling.”

“Did I really?” Steve said. “That really was a wonderful dream. In all your future dreams, you should wear it in good health.”

At the cemetery

Mike heard the loud crying of a woman and went to investigate.

He found her beside a grave, weeping. “Oh, Joseph, it’s been four years since you left me but I still miss you so much,” she wailed.

“Whom are you mourning?” Mike asked.

“My husband,” she replied. “I miss him dearly.”

But Mike noticed something strange. “Your husband? But it says on the headstone ‘In memory of Sylvia Goldberg.’”

“Oh yes,” she replied, “he put everything in my name.”

It’s obvious

Joe and Scott are walking down Montgomery Street when it starts to rain, and in no time at all, it’s raining quite hard.

Luckily, Joe is carrying an umbrella. “Nu,” says Scott. “So when are you going to open the umbrella?”

“It won’t do us any good,” says Joe. “It’s full of holes.”

“So why, then, did you bring it?” Scott asks.

“Because,” Joe says with shrug, “I didn’t think it would rain.”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.

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