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Friday May 27, 2005

Jokes

The sleeper

Isaac is sitting in shul one Shabbat morning when he falls asleep and starts to snore. The shammes quickly comes over to him, taps him softly on his shoulder and says, “Please stop your snoring, Isaac, you’re disturbing the others in the shul.”

“Now look here,” says Isaac, “I always pay my shul dues in full so I feel I have a right to do whatever I want.”

“Yes, I agree,” replies the shammes, “but your snoring is keeping everybody else awake.”

At the country club

Aaron and Sheila move to the suburbs and join the new, very elite, country club. But just before their first meal at the club, Aaron is feeling somewhat anxious about Sheila’s lack of finesse and so decides to give her some advice.

“Sheila,” he says, “ven ve go to dee club and dee vaiter asks you vaht you vahnt for ah drink, please don’t say `ah glass Manishewitz vine.’ At a club like dis, you don’t esk for Manishewitz vine.”

“Well, Aaron,” she replies, “if I can’t esk for Manishewitz, vot should I esk for?”

“You should esk for ah martini,” replies Aaron, “every lady drinks martini. You’ll like it.”

That evening at the club, as the smartly dressed cocktail waiter arrives at their table to take their order, Sheila is ready. “Madam, may I bring you a cocktail?”

Sheila replies, “Yes, I’ll have ah martini.”

“Dry?” asks the waiter.

“No,” replies Rivka, “tzvei iz genug (two is enough).”*

* For the Yiddish-deprived, dry means three.

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.

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