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Friday September 22, 2006

Jokes

The breads of afflictions

On Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.

Occasionally, people ask what kind of breadcrumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

For ordinary sins: White bread

For complex sins: Multigrain

For twisted sins: Pretzels

For sins of indecision: Waffles

For sins committed in haste: Matzah

For sins of chutzpah: Fresh bread

For substance abuse: Stoned wheat

For use of heavy drugs: Poppy seed

For committing auto theft: Caraway

For tasteless sins: Rice cakes

For ill-temperedness: Sourdough

For silliness and eccentricity: Nut bread

For not giving full value: Shortbread

For excessive irony: Rye bread

For particularly dark sins: Pumpernickel

For dressing immodestly: Tarts

For causing injury to others: Tortes

For being holier than thou: Bagels

For dropping in without notice: Popovers

For overeating: Stuffing

For raising your voice too often: Challah

For pride and egotism: Puff pastry

For sycophancy: Brownies

For laziness: Any long loaf

For trashing the environment: Dumplings

For telling bad jokes/puns: Corn bread

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