Breaking the rules
Moshe went to see his rabbi. “Rabbi, last week I missed saying the blessing after meals.”
“Why?” asked the rabbi.
“Because I forgot to wash my hands before the meal.”
“That’s twice you’ve broken the law — so tell me why!” the rabbi implores.
“Well,” said Moshe, “the food wasn’t kosher.”
“You ate non-kosher food?”
“It wasn’t a Jewish restaurant,” Moshe admitted.
“That makes it even worse!” said the now-angry rabbi. “Couldn’t you have eaten in a kosher one?”
“What, on Yom Kippur?”
Speedy exit
A man goes to his rabbi for help. His wife is in labor and it is taking a long time for the baby to come out. As it happens, the rabbi is not at the shul that day but his young son is. After hearing the man’s problem, the rabbi’s son tells the man to go home and say Yizkor and then everything will be all right.
Sure enough, the man goes home and davens Yizkor and his wife gives birth shortly afterwards.
The next day he goes back to the shul and thanks the rabbi profusely for his son’s help.
After the man leaves, the rabbi turns to his son and tells him, “I’m very impressed that you knew what to tell this man to do so his wife would give birth. But tell me, why did you tell him to say Yizkor?”
The son replies, “Because before we daven Yizkor we always say ‘Children, go out!’”
CopyrightJ, the Jewish news weekly of Northern California