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Friday December 8, 2006

Jokes

A woman’s intuition

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, but only after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength … and the tools to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, but only after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools … and the intelligence … to cross this river.” And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

© david minkoff

Conversations with God

God: “And remember, Moses, if you want to keep kosher, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. It is cruel.”

Moses: “So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.”

God: “No, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk.”

Moses: “Oh Lord, forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our stomachs.”

God: “No, Moses, listen to me. I am saying, don’t cook a calf in its mother’s milk!”

Moses: “Oh, Lord! Please don’t strike me down for my stupidity! What you mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury that dish outside …”

God: “Moses, do whatever you want …”

© david minkoff

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