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Friday December 15, 2006

Jokes

Modern stamps

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards and asks the clerk, “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

“Oh my God,” the woman says, “has it come to this? Give me 16 Orthodox, 22 Conservative, and 12 Reform.”

Chanukah headlines

Christmas, Chanukah to merge

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukkah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.

A spokesman for Christmas Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market.

Fortunately, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

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