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Friday January 12, 2007

Jokes

Eternal Jewish truths

• The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.

• If you can’t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.

• WASPS leave and never say goodbye, Jews say goodbye and never leave.

• Twenty percent off is a bargain; 50 percent off is a mitzvah.

• No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry but then again, no one leaves with a hangover.

• One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

• If you don’t eat, it will kill me.

• Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

• Where there’s smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

• Next year in Jerusalem, the year after that, how about a nice cruise?

• A bad matzah ball makes a good paperweight.

• A shmata is a dress that your husband’s ex is wearing.

• Tsuris is a Yiddish word that means your child is marrying someone who isn’t Jewish.

• What business is a yenta in? Yours.

© david minkoff

The job market

“My son,” says Yetta, “is a physicist.”

“My son,” says Sadie, “is president of an insurance company.”

“My son,” says Becky, “is the head of a law firm and president of the Law Society.”

“My son,” says Hannah, “is a rabbi.”

“A rabbi? What kind of career is that for a Jewish boy?”

© david minkoff

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