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Friday January 19, 2007

Jokes

Workers’ rights

Max, an Israeli union head, is addressing a union meeting at an Israeli factory.

“Chaverim! We have agreed on a new deal with the management,” Max says. “We will no longer work five days a week.”

“Hooray!” says the crowd.

“We will finish work at 3 p.m., not 4 p.m.”

“Hooray!” says the crowd.

“We will start work at 9 a.m., not 7 a.m.”

“Hooray!”

“We have a 150 percent pay rise.”

“Hooray!”

“We will only work on Wednesdays.”

There is silence … and then a voice from the back asks, “Every Wednesday?”

© david minkoff

The aggressor

Three hunters, Chuck, Thomas and Abe, are on safari. Unfortunately they are captured by cannibals, who start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal chief tells them they can each have one last wish.

“What’s your last request?” he asks Chuck, the American.

“I’d like a steak,” he replies.

So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve Chuck his steak.

“What do you want?” the cannibal chief asks Thomas, the Brit.

“I’d like to smoke my cigar,” he says, which they let him do.

Then the chief asks Abe, the Israeli, “What’s your last wish?”

“I want you to kick me in the stomach.”

“Be serious,” says the chief.

“Please do it — you promised,” says Abe.

“OK,” says the chief and delivers the requested kick. Abe then pulls out a gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while the rest run away.

Chuck and Thomas are furious.

“Why didn’t you do that in the first place so we wouldn’t have had to go through all this?” they ask Abe.

Abe replies, “Are you crazy? If I had done that, the U.N. would have condemned me as the aggressor.”

© david minkoff

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