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Friday February 9, 2007

Ready to retire?

Those already there give the ups, downs and in-betweens

by steven friedman
correspondent

“If the good Lord made anything better than sex and retirement, then he kept it for Himself! It just gets better and better.”

That’s Chalmers Gable’s opinion on retirement, and it can be found along with comments by hundreds of others in a new book with local ties. Gable, of Marion, Texas, has been retired for five years and is obviously enjoying it.

Life for older adults does seem to be getting better on many levels, according to Barbara Waxman, a Marin-based life coach and co-editor of the book “How to Love Your Retirement.”

“There is no such thing as retirement anymore. Concluding your full-time career doesn’t mean being ‘put out to pasture.’ People are living longer, so retirement is an opportunity to begin a whole new and exciting phase of your life.”

Waxman, of Kentfield, along with Robert Mendelson, a medical doctor, edited hundreds of nuggets of wisdom such as Gable’s about the exhilarating twilight stage of life. The book is part of “Hundreds of Heads,” an ongoing series of advice guides — from surviving your teenager to losing weight — published by Mark Bernstein, a Bay area businessman.

Waxman explained that the “Hundreds of Heads” series works well because selected interviewers scour the country for “hundreds of heads rather than one expert. You get the wisdom of lots of people.”

This type of guidance will help people “study if retirement is the next best step” for them.

Whether they choose to retire in the classical sense or ease into another phase of life, people are getting older in swarms. “Baby boomers turn 60 every eight seconds,” said Waxman, who has a master’s in gerontology. “Retirees are better educated and in better health than any time in our history. The longer we stay active and engaged, the longer life expectations we will have.”

A member of Congregation Kol Shofar in Tiburon, Waxman’s viewpoint is informed by her deep connection to Jewish values and learning. She met “Hundred of Heads” publisher Bernstein when he and her husband, Scott, were part of the Wexner Heritage Foundation leadership program not too long ago.

“Whether it’s executive or life coaching, or helping frame what people need to look at during the next chapter of life, it’s all about relationships and communication, which is what the Torah teaches,” Waxman said. “Jews have a dynamic interest in furthering themselves through education, learning and [programs such as] Elderhostel.”

Also, “Jews know how to celebrate through family, food and connections” — three areas that are fundamental in the lives of retirees.

But the book goes beyond a simplistic Jewish trinity and delves into all the areas of life that affect people as they reach retirement age. It provides a pithy blueprint for the journey.

After all, not everyone is ready to dive right into the non-working world.

“Retirement can be a lot like falling off a cliff,” wrote “Yitz,” who lives in Manchester, England. “One day you are fully occupied, and the next you are wondering what to do. I think you have to retire slowly and gracefully. I still work part-time so I won’t have to fall off a cliff.”

Waxman provided an extensive appendix to the book to help seniors navigate the often-rocky transition to retirement, including sections with life-coaching exercises and a plethora of online resources. Many of the exercises can also be found on her business Web site, www.theodysseygroup.net.

She suggests that people “identify the passions and activities you may not have had time to pursue until now. Think about what factors will give your life a sense of meaning and purpose. There’s something about retirement that taps into our nomadic sensibilities. Free people from the ties that bind, and suddenly they dream [of such pursuits as] living in a place they’ve never been.”

“How to Love Your Retirement” illuminates the wisdom of retirees who took the proverbial leap into the unknown and shatters the myths of retirement being a shutting down of one’s life, a winding path to our inevitable end.

One woman returned to her passion, salsa dancing. An Ohio man took up gardening. J.D. from Bodega Bay joined the National Ski Patrol. And Eugene Bianchi helped set up an emeritus program at Emory University in Georgia.

“If you let the day unfold, it has its own music,” said a man from Sayville, N.Y. “You just have to sit and listen to it. There’s so much beauty in not planning the day. I think that’s where I am now, and why I can say I’m happy.”

Of course, retirement is not all adventure and excitement. It is invariably fraught with wrenching adjustments and often loss and death. Coping well and remaining active are crucial to negotiating these hurdles, but sometimes the advice is even simpler.

“When you lose a friend,” said Michael Creedman, a San Francisco-based writer, journalist, video producer and personal historian, “make another one.”

“How to Love Your Retirement,” edited by Barbara Waxman and Robert Mendelson (208 pages, Hundreds of Heads Books, $13.95).

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