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Friday February 23, 2007

Jokes

A mixed blessing

The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the air. For hours, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite of the warm weather this always caused a shudder among the waiting mass.

The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses.

Moses set down his load and raised his hands. “Friends,” he said, “friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument, every trick I could think of — and I think I was successful. The good news is, I brought him down from 15 to 10. The bad news is, adultery is still in.”

© david minkoff

Helping out

Chaim, a wealthy American, retires to England and buys a fabulous English country home with over 50 rooms. He brings in a local workman to decorate the place.

When the job is finished Chaim is delighted. But soon after he realizes that he’s forgotten something: There are no mezuzahs on the doors.

He immediately goes out and buys 50 kosher mezuzahs and asks the decorator to place them on the right-hand side of each door except on the bathrooms. He’s worried that the decorator won’t put them up correctly.

However, the job is carried out entirely to his satisfaction, so he gives the workman an extra bonus.

As the decorator is walking out the door he says, “Glad you’re happy with the job, mate. By the way, I took out all the guarantees that were in those little boxes and left them on the table for you.”

© david minkoff

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