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Friday July 27, 2007

Jokes

A slip of the tongue

Rivkah had been trying for some time to become a member of a very posh country club. So she took elocution lessons, went to an etiquette class, had her nose altered and changed her surname to Fythe-Smith. It worked — she became a member.

Unfortunately, at her first country club dinner, a waiter passing by her table spilled a plate of soup over her. Shocked, and especially because she was wearing a rather splendid new gown, Rifka jumped up and shouted, “Oy vey!”

Then, looking around her, she added, “Whatever that means.”

© david minkoff

Hazard at the wheel

Sharon and her friend Rose, two little elderly ladies, are out for a drive in a large Mercedes with Rose driving and Sharon in the front passenger seat. After a few minutes, they come to some traffic lights but although the lights are clearly at red, the car just continues across the intersection.

Sharon says to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

A few minutes later, they come to another set of lights and again they go through red, this time narrowly missing a car driving across them. Although Sharon is sure the light was red, she is still convinced she is losing it. She is now getting very nervous.

At the next intersection, the light is again showing red and as before, the car goes across without slowing. So Sharon turns to Rose and says, “Hey, did you know that you just passed three red lights in a row? What on earth are you doing — are you trying to kill us?”

Rose turns to Sharon and replies, “Oy vey! Am I driving?”

© david minkoff

Unless otherwise specified, these jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship. Readers can send joke suggestions to jokes@jweekly.com

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