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Thursday October 11, 2007

Jokes

Dead giveaway

Shloyme Silberstein gets rich and wants to show off. So he orders his driver to drive him to a new exclusive golf club with his new Cadillac. But a sign at the door unmistakably states that Jews are not permitted access.

Shloyme says,“Wait here for me.”

His driver responds, “But don’t you see the sign? They will kick you out immediately!”

Shloyme says, “But I don’t have to tell them I am Jewish.” And he leaves for the gate.

So the driver waits … one hour … two hours … three hours … Finally, after three and a half hours, Shloyme is kicked out by two burly guardsmen.

The driver asks, “What happened?”

Shloyme says, “Everything was fine until we played the eighth hole! Accidentally I shot my ball into one of these ponds. I shouted: ‘Oh my God, what should I do now?’ And then the waters parted and everybody knew!”

Famous Jewish moms

Mona Lisa’s Jewish mother:

“After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?”

Christopher Columbus’ Jewish mother:

“I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you didn’t call, you didn’t write.”

Michelangelo’s Jewish mother:

“A ceiling you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off the ceiling?”

Napoleon’s Jewish mother:

“You’re not hiding your report card? Show me! Take your hand out of your jacket and show me!”

Abraham Lincoln’s Jewish mother:

“Again with that hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”

George Washington’s Jewish mother:

“Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance goodbye!”

Thomas Edison’s Jewish mother:

“Okay, so I’m proud you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off already and go to sleep!”

Paul Revere’s Jewish mother:

“I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bedtime!”

Albert Einstein’s Jewish mother:

“Your senior photograph and you couldn’t have done something with your hair?”

Moses’ Jewish mother:

“Desert, schmesert!! Where have you really been for the last 40 years?”

Bill Gates’ Jewish mother:

“It would have killed you to become a doctor?”

Bill Clinton’s Jewish mother:

“Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl, that Monica!”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.

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