by sue fishkoff
jta
The men’s prayer service was the smallest of several morning worship offerings at the recent Union for Reform Judaism biennial.
About 40 men showed up, some without tallits and kippahs. There were no drums, unlike the men’s service at the last Reform biennial. Instead, worshipers pounded rhythmically on the backs of their chairs as they sang, their deep voices blending in and out of the higher-pitched, more lilting melodies coming from the much larger women’s service down the hall.
Lest anyone confuse this robustly male minyan with an Orthodox shul, these men invoked the matriarchs along with the patriarchs, concluding their introduction to the Amidah by describing the Almighty not just as Abraham’s shield but, in accordance with their movement’s egalitarian emphasis, also as Sarah’s helper.
The relatively small turnout, as well as the inclusion of the matriarchs, illustrated the sensitive nature of what Reform leaders are trying to do: Bring men back to Reform Judaism without diluting the gains made by women.
Meeting the needs of boys and men was a major focus of a two-day, pre-biennial Reform symposium in December on gender differences in Jewish education. Among the speakers was Doug Barden, executive director of the Men of Reform Judaism, formerly known as the North American Federation of Temple Brotherhoods.
“We need to reverse the disaffiliation of men without setting the egalitarian clock back 30 years”, said Barden, a major proponent of the separate-but-equal approach.
Women are more religiously active in most faiths in this country, and have been for a century. But the gender gap in Jewish life, particularly in the liberal movements, has grown widened in recent years.
Numerous studies reveal that more girls than boys participate in Jewish youth groups and attend summer camps. Women are more active in synagogues, Jewish community centers and federations, and are better represented than men at all levels except the top echelon of governance.
All along the line, women are more involved in Jewish life than men, at least in the non-Orthodox world.
While the majority of Reform rabbis are still men, the upcoming crop from the movement’s Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion is three-quarters female.
The recent symposium is only one of several recent examples of the Reform movement and other segments of the Jewish community attempting to address the gender gap and participation plight.
Most of the attention so far has been given to boys, whose participation in Jewish life is significantly less than girls outside the Orthodox movement.
Moving Traditions — the group that sponsors “Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing,” a program for Jewish girls in grades 8 to 12 — is engaged in a three-year national research project to assess and meet the needs of Jewish boys.
The group is looking at organizations such as BBYO and the Boy Scouts that successfully draw large numbers of young men.
“We’re concerned about boys for themselves and for what they need to become Jewishly connected men,” said Deborah Meyer, executive director of Moving Traditions.
As part of its effort to address such concerns at the adult level, the Reform movement just published two new books from URJ Press devoted to men’s needs and congregational programming ideas, although neither publication received the splashy reception accorded the much larger, more scholarly “The Torah: A Women’s Commentary.”
In addition, the Men of Reform Judaism just put out “The Men’s Seder,” a Passover Haggadah for men designed as a response to the women’s seder movement.
More than 250 Reform congregations have ordered the book, Barden said, and he expects some will sponsor men’s seders this spring. Once the idea takes hold, he plans to take the project to the Conservatives and Reconstructionists.
Focusing on meeting men’s specific needs is a “matter of great sensitivity,” acknowledges URJ President Rabbi Eric Yoffie.
“Let’s face it, men are not streaming into our synagogues,” he said. “We have not been able to come up with an approach to gender that makes sense and can move us forward.”
But it’s something the movement needs to face fast.
“We don’t have 10 years to do this, or even five years,” Yoffie said. “In the next year or two, we need to find practical ways to attack the problem.”
Some are calling women’s increased participation in Jewish life the “feminization” of Judaism. But they say it quietly, fearing a backlash.
Some women — and men — within the movement say there is no need to “feel sorry” for men, the gender that has controlled Judaism for thousands of years.
But the new initiatives, from the books to the men’s groups to the separate-gender worship services, are aimed at something deeper than beefing up numbers: admitting that men have spiritual needs that are not being met by their Jewish communities.
“It never occurred to me there were men’s spiritual issues,” said Art Grand, who has since organized a men’s group at Temple Or Rishon in Orangevale, Calif.
Grand describes how the group’s members help each other through divorce, job change, death and anything else that affects their lives.
“We all want the same thing — a connection to God, a sense that our lives are holy,” he said. “But some were afraid to use those words.”
Other men at the biennial talked about their loneliness, the difficulty of making friends and how rarely their sons ask them for advice.
“I think we go to poker games and play on softball leagues and help our buddies move because we hope we’ll have an ‘I-thou’ moment,” surmised Rabbi Dan Moskovitz of Temple Judea in Tarzana, Calif., editor of “The Still Small Voice,” a collection of Reform men’s essays recently published by the URJ Press.
One of the experiments being tried, however tentatively, is separating the sexes, a technique used by several of the more successful boys’ groups. If women have healing circles and Rosh Hodesh groups, why shouldn’t there also be men’s services, father-son retreats and other all-male gatherings?
Barden calls these “a safe space” for men to talk with other men.
CopyrightJ, the Jewish news weekly of Northern California