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Friday July 18, 2008

Jokes

A vote for English

A public service announcement from Zayde Zuckerman Zelonky:

This is addressed to the ordinary Americans among us, to all you shlemiels and shlimazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, putzes, shlubs, shmos, as well as shmucks, nogoodniks and momzers, and I might add any golems and dybbuks that happen to be lurking out there in the crowd.

I just wanted to say that like you, I get mamish sentimental when I think about English and its place in our society. To tell the truth, it makes me so verklempt I’m fit to plotz.

That’s why this whole shmeer gets me so broiges when I hear these mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about it as our national language. What chutzpah! These shmegeges can shlep their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country and of English itself, but I for one am not buying their shtick.

It’s all so much dreck, as far as I’m concerned. I exhort you all to be menschen about this and stand up to their fardrayt arguments and meshugganah farschtrunken assertions. It wouldn’t be kosher to do anything else. Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they have bubkes.

Name-calling

A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says. “Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh! And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh. Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, “I’ve learned that my name is David.”

Unless otherwise indicated, jokes have been e-mailed to us and do not include attribution.

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