SARAH COLEMAN
Bulletin Correspondent
In her new, most personal book, "Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood," Wolf writes about her intoxicating Haight-Ashbury adolescence. She uses her experiences to open a discussion about female sexuality and to answer the vexing question, "How do we turn girls into women?"
Wolf, whose previous books "The Beauty Myth" and "Fire With Fire" established her as a leading third-wave feminist, believes that "shame, silence and secrecy" linger around female sexuality. In order to destroy this aura, she says, women need to discuss and write about their sexual histories openly. They also need to initiate their daughters into a sense of joyful womanhood.
Her own adolescence was full of confusing signals. As a young teen, she witnessed the liberation of sexual imagery from "behind the red curtain" of Tenderloin massage parlors. At 15, being fitted for a diaphragm was "easier than getting your learner's permit to drive a car."
But new sexual freedoms came with a twofold message to girls: "You can do anything...and you can get called a slut for it."
She believes that this double standard persists in today's culture. In some senses, she believes, things are "more extreme than ever" in a society that encourages girls to embrace sexuality before they're emotionally ready and then damns them for doing so.
"We need to sever the link between girls' and women's sexuality and the sense of shame," she said in a telephone interview from her home in Washington, D.C.
"If we do that, abusers will no longer be able to stand up and say, `I thought she wanted it.' No judge or prosecutor will tolerate dragging a woman's sexual history into a rape case."
In "Promiscuities," she suggests that one way to develop a more positive attitude toward female sexuality is to enhance and create rituals that welcome girls into womanhood. The bat mitzvah "is something," she conceded. But in her view, it is only "halfway there."
"It's a recognition of a girl's entry into adulthood, a time when the community supports her in a ritualistic way," she said. "But often it's not gender-specific."
At her own Conservative bat mitzvah ceremony, "everything, from the mural of men outside the synagogue to the little fake tallit that someone made for me, was to do with men. It was as though I was given a blessing as a temporary, honorary young man. It felt like a ritual performance in drag."
And while it is an initiation into adult life, said Wolf, the bat mitzvah -- appropriately -- does not address the issue of sexuality. She would like to see it augmented by other, "all-female gatherings" where a hiking or camping trip gives a chance for older women to "answer every single question the girls want to ask."
One of the strongest themes running through "Promiscuities" is the idea that, in contrast to 20th-century Western society, many ancient cultures held positive views of female sexuality. In the book and in public appearances, Wolf aims to introduce women to these cultures' teachings, in order to "change the scripts by which we live our lives."
Along with Chinese and Hindu writings, she cites sources of female sexual power in ancient Jewish texts such as the Kabbalah.
"The Kabbalah speaks of the joy that can be gained from sex, and also about a feminine aspect of God," she said. Meanwhile, halachah "puts men under obligation to fulfill their wives sexually."
But such an obligation is not universal. "That's supposed to happen every day, if they're a rabbi or rich man. But if they're a laborer or camel driver, the requirements are somewhat eased."
At a recent reading at Berkeley's Black Oak Books, the audience grew quiet as Wolf read the Tao's 10 indications of women's desire. The list included such items as "(d) Her thighs are moving. It indicates that she is greatly pleased," and "(f) She crosses her legs over his back. It indicates that she is anxious for more."
"Now, how do you feel about that?" she asked women in the audience after reciting the list. "Personally, I don't even smoke, and at this point I always want a cigarette."
Delighted laughter rang out around her, and Wolf seemed to glow with the fun of the moment. Later, she affirmed that she tries to make her message accessible and entertaining, thus reaching beyond the "academy" of traditional American feminism.
"I feel very strongly about this," she said. "I think it's partly to do with my Jewish upbringing, and the concept of tikkun olam [healing the earth]. I want to make my ideas available to every woman who wants them."
"I wrote `Promiscuities' in the first person sexual," she tells people. And this, to her, is an ideological choice.
"If you really care about women," she said, "you put your own self on the line."
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